I communed with nature this morning even before the sun rose over the Berkeley hills.
The shelter-in-place restrictions for the Bay Area have just been extended from May 3rd till the 31st. It’s what I expected, and I believe it’s the wisest course of action, but still. When will I get to see my grandchildren? And who’s going to keep me company on my birthday? I wonder if people will really obey it, now that it’s been so long. On Facebook I’ve seen otherwise reasonable people balk at the order, saying things like: the shelter-in-place “is not the solution”; “we will have to band together [against it]”; and “B.S.” (These aren’t even Trump fans.) Are there alternatives, realistically? I’ve heard about some that don’t seem to be viable, like testing for all. Maybe I’m missing something. In the meantime, I’m obeying the order.
There’s an article on Rolling Stone’s website about a new Alanis Morissette song that explores the experience of living with clinical depression and other forms of mental illness.
So I am debilitated.
—”Diagnosis”
I can’t remember where the sentence started when I’m trying to finish it.
And all of you are so frustrated.
And everyone around me is trying to help as much as they can.
That second line is especially poignant. Friends know that, in conversation, I really do get partway through thoughts and lose my way. I can no longer digress and find my way back: no more impromptu verbal side-trips for me. If I don’t get straight to the point, the point vanishes. What was I saying? is my refrain. It’s part of why I can’t teach any longer. I remind myself of my fourth-grade history instructor, Mr. Drake, who was elderly. He might have been about sixty. A few months ago I did a mini-retablo on tin (two by three inches) about the memory of him standing in front of the classroom, completely lost. Now I understand what that’s like.
The following tweet from a few days ago encapsulates the horror of these times: the danger not just of the pandemic, but of Drumpf’s response. Today’s news is that poison control centers around the country are reporting high call volumes: people asking, Is it safe to ingest disinfectants? To paraphrase my first ex-husband, if you have to ask the question, I’m not sure how useful the answer will be to you. Who could have dreamed it would come to something like this? This is real:
At 7:45 this evening (the mail always comes late… but I’m not complaining!) I finally received my “Economic Impact Payment.” I so desperately wished it had gone into my account via direct deposit. Then I wouldn’t have had to see for myself “President Donald J. Trump” in the lower right-hand corner, just under the Statue of Liberty. The temptation to ink in a word or two before his name (a simple “Dump” would suffice) is powerful, but I don’t want to make my mother’s mistake of messing with the United States Treasury. Many years ago she made out a check for an IRS tax payment, but got kittenish with the “t” in “internal,” so it could easily be read as “Infernal Revenue Service.” She got audited that year.
I’d like to donate at least a little of the money to a charitable cause or two. My friend Mike was telling me that he supports the Alameda Food Bank, among other excellent causes. Maybe I’ll give that some money. Does anyone have ideas about other worthy organizations that provide relief for those suffering the financial effects of the pandemic: people who aren’t getting basic needs met? I welcome ideas.
Perhaps we could throw a Zoom birthday party for you. What do you think?
That is so funny about Granny’s mischievous IRS past!
There are muchos options for charities. Are there any particular types of causes you’d like to support?
One option is Global Giving, a nonprofit that does all the research/vetting work for particular causes, and distributes donations across those vetted organizations. They do have a U.S. coronavirus relief fund.
you know what? the voices that shout about reopening are just the loudest. i want to believe that most people are still sensible. of course with our mayor here who never saw a conspiracy theory she didn’t like, it gets difficult. these folks are in denial and tell me just to stay home. do they really believe they can reopen and the tourists will flood back?
a money transfer to your bank would not have helped. we got a trump letter today trumpeting our direct deposit.
i remember quitting radio when the words wouldn’t flow anymore. that was a long time ago. i was heading to the end of the sentence and was hoping the word would arrive in time, but more and more it didn’t and i had to describe what i meant.
your speaking might be in trouble, but your writing sure is not. so gorgeous and elegant.
I agree with Mariana!
And everyone loses their way in a sentence, from time to time. The brain leaps excitedly ahead to a divergent thought — which throws off the main one, temporarily.
Like striding purposefully to the kitchen from the bedroom — and , when you get there, wondering why??
Marianna: This is the truth: I’m genuinely and deeply touched by your comment about my writing. All I can say is THANK YOU for taking the time to say something like that. It truly made my day.
Small: Many people do lose their way in sentences, and in their houses. I used to do that too, but not like this and not every day. It’s the decline that bothers me. Glad you don’t notice it much.
HA! “Infernal Revenue Service”. I like it. I haven’t seen that retablo yet – I’ll have to poke around the house and get a closer look. 😛
Dear Anonymous: I sure wish I knew who you are. I honestly can’t figure it out. I hope you reveal your identity. In any case, thank you for your comment. Oh, is it Elana??